On this very sad 10th anniversary of 9/11 I can still feel the emotions that coursed through me that day.
We had just moved to Tucson AZ, a move I never wanted, from Dallas TX and had been there just 2 weeks.
I had a 2 1/2 year old and just turned 4 year old and knew no one but my husband.
We moved because the Dallas office of my husbands job was closing down and Tucson was our only option.
No way did I want or was ready to live in the desert, each day was a day in a place I didn't want to be.
I was up early, 6.30am as I hadn't got used to the difference between Central and Mountain time yet and both of my "babies" were in bed.
I made a cup of tea, the very English thing that I have done every day since I've been old enough to, and I switched on NBC. It was 6.45am and I was looking to start getting everyone else up.
Suddenly they said there had been an awful accident and a plane had hit the tower, I sat down, unable to take my eyes of the screen. I rushed in a got my husband up, "you need to see this", not knowing what was to follow.
We sat, not believing what we saw when the second plane hit.
Then soon after the towers fell and my heart was in my mouth.
I thought of all the families affected and yes, somewhat selfishly, I thought of how can my family ever visit me safely again.
Within minutes my phone started ringing.
First my Mum then my husbands parents, then my Dad, then my husbands brothers, even our friends in London, all panicking about how we were. This was before the days of Vonage with the free international calls, everyone was paying premium rates to check on our safety. We assured them we were fine all the while hearing the jets from the nearby Davis Monthan AFB taking off to defend a foe we knew nothing about.
My husband went into work and I kept the kids occupied with Nick JR, thank goodness for cable that day, all the while checking online and on the radio for more news. I watched the TV in my bedroom, keeping the kids out, not wanting to shatter the innocence of their young lives.
When hubby came home early from work we immediately left home to go out to eat, anything to drag ourselves away from the news we didn't want to see but couldn't switch off.
I remember going into Pizza Hut and everyone in there was silent, no TV's on, no radio, just sad faces, no one wanting to express how they felt.
I can honestly say I never felt more isolated from my family and friends and more alone that day.
My mothers heart ached for the ones lost and those left behind and I felt all in front of us was a haze, no idea what was going to happen.
Many of these feelings I have never expressed fully, mixed emotions I suppose, and I hope you understand then if you have got this far.
My heartfelt love and sympathy go out to all that were and are still affected my the actions of 9/11 and I send hugs to all reading and I hope we as a community, a nation and a global family can try our damnedest to ensure we never go through it again.
Love, peace and hugs